WAIVER WIRE RESULTS: GORDON TO BUCCING CURSE. FOR $29, ALLEN TO SCOOBIES FOR $31, RAYMOND TO THE COMMISH FOR $30 +++ FINAL: Marnie BEAT MrBigChest'sWildRide 151.0-123.6 +++ FINAL: Trick Play Kristen BEAT THOR 140.6-106.3 +++ FINAL: Amon-Ra Doggin BEAT Conspiracy Theory 148.2-138.6 +++ FINAL: mikey_smokes_meat BEAT Comrade Gritty's 161.4-91.1 +++ FINAL: immadi's Blitzers BEAT Iron Jayden 143.6-123.5 +++ FINAL: MrBigChest is a buccing curse. BEAT Screamin' Scoobies 133.3-129.9 +++ WEEK 3 IN THE BOOKS — ALL SIX GAMES FINAL +++ Marnie LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT  ///  WAIVER WIRE RESULTS: GORDON TO BUCCING CURSE. FOR $29, ALLEN TO SCOOBIES FOR $31, RAYMOND TO THE COMMISH FOR $30 +++ FINAL: Marnie BEAT MrBigChest'sWildRide 151.0-123.6 +++ FINAL: Trick Play Kristen BEAT THOR 140.6-106.3 +++ FINAL: Amon-Ra Doggin BEAT Conspiracy Theory 148.2-138.6 +++ FINAL: mikey_smokes_meat BEAT Comrade Gritty's 161.4-91.1 +++ FINAL: immadi's Blitzers BEAT Iron Jayden 143.6-123.5 +++ FINAL: MrBigChest is a buccing curse. BEAT Screamin' Scoobies 133.3-129.9 +++ WEEK 3 IN THE BOOKS — ALL SIX GAMES FINAL +++ Marnie LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT  ///  WAIVER WIRE RESULTS: GORDON TO BUCCING CURSE. FOR $29, ALLEN TO SCOOBIES FOR $31, RAYMOND TO THE COMMISH FOR $30 +++ FINAL: Marnie BEAT MrBigChest'sWildRide 151.0-123.6 +++ FINAL: Trick Play Kristen BEAT THOR 140.6-106.3 +++ FINAL: Amon-Ra Doggin BEAT Conspiracy Theory 148.2-138.6 +++ FINAL: mikey_smokes_meat BEAT Comrade Gritty's 161.4-91.1 +++ FINAL: immadi's Blitzers BEAT Iron Jayden 143.6-123.5 +++ FINAL: MrBigChest is a buccing curse. BEAT Screamin' Scoobies 133.3-129.9 +++ WEEK 3 IN THE BOOKS — ALL SIX GAMES FINAL +++ Marnie LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT
FAKE NEWS FOOTBALL
CT

Conspiracy Theory

Managed by Jensen · Ranked #4 in the Fake News Power Rankings
Record
0–3
Points For
416.5
Points Against
490.4
Streak
L-3

The Manager

Verified human (allegedly)

Jensen · Fullerton, CA · Los Angeles Rams fan · Original member — Year 10

Elliot's childhood friend and the very first person to win this league — the inaugural champion. A Rams fan these days, though his roots are Bengals orange. Been here since the beginning and has the first plaque to prove it.

League titles: 1 (the inaugural season)

Scouting Report

Compiled by interns

By the numbers: 139.0 points per game (Week 1: 136.1, Week 2: 141.9), a +5.8 trend, season high of 141.9 and a floor of 136.1. The arrow is pointing sideways.

At 0-3, things are bleak. Not 'we need to make a trade' bleak — 'we need to make a lifestyle change' bleak. The good news: it literally cannot get worse. The bad news: we said that last week too.

They've also given up a league-high 490.4 points, because the fantasy gods believe in balance. Cruel, hilarious balance.

Currently on a L-3 skid. The manager has been seen refreshing the waiver wire at 3am. We've all been there. Most of us left.

The difference-makers: Lamar Jackson, Jahmyr Gibbs, Cam Skattebo, Drake London. If two of them hit on the same Sunday, Conspiracy Theory can beat anyone in this league. If none do — well, the game log tells that story.

“We didn't choose the mid life, the mid life chose us.”

Difference Makers

The names that decide Sundays
QB · BAL
Lamar Jackson
Week 3 vs DAL: gets Dallas in Rio in one of the week's highest totals (low 50s).
QB · CAR
Bryce Young
Week 3 vs CLE: Derek Brown's strong start: Cleveland allows the 5th-highest passing success rate and the 11th-lowest pressure rate.
RB · DET
Jahmyr Gibbs
Week 3 vs NYJ: a middle-of-the-pack NYJ defense.
RB · NYG
Cam Skattebo
Week 3 vs TEN: heavy rain and wind expected in East Rutherford.
WR · ATL
Drake London
Thursday final: banked ~28.4 pts (9 catches for 194 yards).
WR · TB
Emeka Egbuka
Week 3 vs MIN: a middle-of-the-pack MIN defense.

The Roster

17 players, 15 of whom have names we recognize
PosPlayerNFL TeamFake News Grade
QBLamar JacksonBALBoom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
RBJahmyr GibbsDETThe glue guy. The glue is old.
RBCam SkatteboNYGCertified bucket-getter.
WRDrake LondonATLBoom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
WREmeka EgbukaTBA warm body with a helmet.
WRMike EvansSFBoom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
TEHarold Fannin Jr.CLECertified bucket-getter.
WRStefon DiggsWASA warm body with a helmet.
QBBryce YoungCARA cornerstone. Of something.
QBKyler MurrayMINThe glue guy. The glue is old.
RBRJ HarveyDENSomeone's fantasy team had to have him.
WRMakai LemonPHIBoom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
TEDalton SchultzHOUThe glue guy. The glue is old.
WRDevaughn VeleNOCertified bucket-getter.
WRJordyn TysonNOOn the roster. Technically.
KKa'imi FairbairnHOUSomeone's fantasy team had to have him.
DEFPatriotsNEVibes are immaculate. Production is not.

Game Log

WeekOpponentResultScoreNarrative
Week 1 immadi's Blitzers L 136.1 – 192.9 A massacre. There will be a 30-for-30 about this.
Week 2 Marnie L 141.9 – 149.3 A heartbreaker. The group chat showed no mercy.
Week 3 Amon-Ra Doggin L 138.6 – 148.2 A heartbreaker. The group chat showed no mercy.
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