WAIVER WIRE RESULTS: GORDON TO BUCCING CURSE. FOR $29, ALLEN TO SCOOBIES FOR $31, RAYMOND TO THE COMMISH FOR $30 +++ FINAL: Marnie BEAT MrBigChest'sWildRide 151.0-123.6 +++ FINAL: Trick Play Kristen BEAT THOR 140.6-106.3 +++ FINAL: Amon-Ra Doggin BEAT Conspiracy Theory 148.2-138.6 +++ FINAL: mikey_smokes_meat BEAT Comrade Gritty's 161.4-91.1 +++ FINAL: immadi's Blitzers BEAT Iron Jayden 143.6-123.5 +++ FINAL: MrBigChest is a buccing curse. BEAT Screamin' Scoobies 133.3-129.9 +++ WEEK 3 IN THE BOOKS — ALL SIX GAMES FINAL +++ Marnie LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT /// WAIVER WIRE RESULTS: GORDON TO BUCCING CURSE. FOR $29, ALLEN TO SCOOBIES FOR $31, RAYMOND TO THE COMMISH FOR $30 +++ FINAL: Marnie BEAT MrBigChest'sWildRide 151.0-123.6 +++ FINAL: Trick Play Kristen BEAT THOR 140.6-106.3 +++ FINAL: Amon-Ra Doggin BEAT Conspiracy Theory 148.2-138.6 +++ FINAL: mikey_smokes_meat BEAT Comrade Gritty's 161.4-91.1 +++ FINAL: immadi's Blitzers BEAT Iron Jayden 143.6-123.5 +++ FINAL: MrBigChest is a buccing curse. BEAT Screamin' Scoobies 133.3-129.9 +++ WEEK 3 IN THE BOOKS — ALL SIX GAMES FINAL +++ Marnie LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT /// WAIVER WIRE RESULTS: GORDON TO BUCCING CURSE. FOR $29, ALLEN TO SCOOBIES FOR $31, RAYMOND TO THE COMMISH FOR $30 +++ FINAL: Marnie BEAT MrBigChest'sWildRide 151.0-123.6 +++ FINAL: Trick Play Kristen BEAT THOR 140.6-106.3 +++ FINAL: Amon-Ra Doggin BEAT Conspiracy Theory 148.2-138.6 +++ FINAL: mikey_smokes_meat BEAT Comrade Gritty's 161.4-91.1 +++ FINAL: immadi's Blitzers BEAT Iron Jayden 143.6-123.5 +++ FINAL: MrBigChest is a buccing curse. BEAT Screamin' Scoobies 133.3-129.9 +++ WEEK 3 IN THE BOOKS — ALL SIX GAMES FINAL +++ Marnie LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT

MrBigChest'sWildRide

Managed by Elliot Drabs · Ranked #12 in the Fake News Power Rankings

Record

0–3

Points For

302.7

Points Against

386.3

Streak

L-3

The Manager

Verified human (allegedly)

Elliot · Chicago, IL — originally Tucson, AZ · Pittsburgh Steelers fan · Commissioner — Year 10

The commissioner. Ten years running this league and two titles to show for it. A GIANT Steelers fan — and to be clear, that means a giant fan of the Steelers, not a fan of the Giants, a distinction he will explain at length if you let him. Also houses an unhealthy devotion to Josh Allen and Derrick Henry — and, going back, Odell Beckham Jr. Currently occupying last place, which he insists builds character.

League titles: 2

Scouting Report

Compiled by interns

By the numbers: 89.6 points per game (Week 1: 91.8, Week 2: 87.4), a -4.5 trend, season high of 91.8 and a floor of 87.4. The arrow is pointing sideways.

At 0-3, things are bleak. Not 'we need to make a trade' bleak — 'we need to make a lifestyle change' bleak. The good news: it literally cannot get worse. The bad news: we said that last week too.

Currently on a L-3 skid. The manager has been seen refreshing the waiver wire at 3am. We've all been there. Most of us left.

The commissioner's squad. Running the league AND occupying last place is a power move nobody asked for. Every ruling he makes now carries the distinct aroma of a man with nothing left to lose.

The difference-makers: Michael Penix Jr., Quinshon Judkins, Tony Pollard, Rashee Rice. If two of them hit on the same Sunday, MrBigChest'sWildRide can beat anyone in this league. If none do — well, the game log tells that story.

“We didn't choose the mid life, the mid life chose us.”

Difference Makers

The names that decide Sundays

QB · ATL

Michael Penix Jr.

Thursday final: banked ~12.0 pts (18/25 for 256 yards, 1 TD and 1 INT).

QB · PHI

Jalen Hurts

Week 3 vs CHI: plays on Monday night in Chicago.

RB · CLE

Quinshon Judkins

Week 3 vs CAR: Carolina allows the 3rd-highest rushing success rate.

RB · TEN

Tony Pollard

Week 3 vs NYG: plays in heavy rain and wind at the Giants.

WR · KC

Rashee Rice

Week 3 vs MIA: a middle-of-the-pack MIA defense.

WR · CLE

Denzel Boston

Week 3 vs CAR: draws Jaycee Horn, one of the league's best corners — an explicit RotoBaller sit call.

The Roster

16 players, 14 of whom have names we recognize

Pos	Player	NFL Team	Fake News Grade
QB	Michael Penix Jr.	ATL	Boom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
RB	Quinshon Judkins	CLE	A cornerstone. Of something.
WR	Rashee Rice	KC	The glue guy. The glue is old.
WR	Denzel Boston	CLE	The glue guy. The glue is old.
WR	Malik Washington	MIA	Vibes are immaculate. Production is not.
TE	George Kittle	SF	Bye-week hero, every-week zero.
RB	Tony Pollard	TEN	Boom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
QB	Jalen Hurts	PHI	Someone's fantasy team had to have him.
WR	Puka Nacua	LAR	Certified bucket-getter.
WR	Dontayvion Wicks	PHI	Boom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
RB	Josh Jacobs	GB	On the roster. Technically.
WR	Cooper Kupp	SEA	A warm body with a helmet.
WR	Kalif Raymond	CHI	Vibes are immaculate. Production is not.
WR	De'Zhaun Stribling	SF	Vibes are immaculate. Production is not.
K	Harrison Mevis	LAR	Certified bucket-getter.
DEF	Lions	DET	The glue guy. The glue is old.

Game Log

Week	Opponent	Result	Score	Narrative
Week 1	mikey_smokes_meat	L	91.8 – 108.3	A loss. The film has been burned.
Week 2	Screamin' Scoobies	L	87.4 – 127.0	A loss. The film has been burned.
Week 3	Marnie	L	123.6 – 151.0	A loss. The film has been burned.

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