WAIVER WIRE RESULTS: GORDON TO BUCCING CURSE. FOR $29, ALLEN TO SCOOBIES FOR $31, RAYMOND TO THE COMMISH FOR $30 +++ FINAL: Marnie BEAT MrBigChest'sWildRide 151.0-123.6 +++ FINAL: Trick Play Kristen BEAT THOR 140.6-106.3 +++ FINAL: Amon-Ra Doggin BEAT Conspiracy Theory 148.2-138.6 +++ FINAL: mikey_smokes_meat BEAT Comrade Gritty's 161.4-91.1 +++ FINAL: immadi's Blitzers BEAT Iron Jayden 143.6-123.5 +++ FINAL: MrBigChest is a buccing curse. BEAT Screamin' Scoobies 133.3-129.9 +++ WEEK 3 IN THE BOOKS — ALL SIX GAMES FINAL +++ Marnie LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT  ///  WAIVER WIRE RESULTS: GORDON TO BUCCING CURSE. FOR $29, ALLEN TO SCOOBIES FOR $31, RAYMOND TO THE COMMISH FOR $30 +++ FINAL: Marnie BEAT MrBigChest'sWildRide 151.0-123.6 +++ FINAL: Trick Play Kristen BEAT THOR 140.6-106.3 +++ FINAL: Amon-Ra Doggin BEAT Conspiracy Theory 148.2-138.6 +++ FINAL: mikey_smokes_meat BEAT Comrade Gritty's 161.4-91.1 +++ FINAL: immadi's Blitzers BEAT Iron Jayden 143.6-123.5 +++ FINAL: MrBigChest is a buccing curse. BEAT Screamin' Scoobies 133.3-129.9 +++ WEEK 3 IN THE BOOKS — ALL SIX GAMES FINAL +++ Marnie LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT  ///  WAIVER WIRE RESULTS: GORDON TO BUCCING CURSE. FOR $29, ALLEN TO SCOOBIES FOR $31, RAYMOND TO THE COMMISH FOR $30 +++ FINAL: Marnie BEAT MrBigChest'sWildRide 151.0-123.6 +++ FINAL: Trick Play Kristen BEAT THOR 140.6-106.3 +++ FINAL: Amon-Ra Doggin BEAT Conspiracy Theory 148.2-138.6 +++ FINAL: mikey_smokes_meat BEAT Comrade Gritty's 161.4-91.1 +++ FINAL: immadi's Blitzers BEAT Iron Jayden 143.6-123.5 +++ FINAL: MrBigChest is a buccing curse. BEAT Screamin' Scoobies 133.3-129.9 +++ WEEK 3 IN THE BOOKS — ALL SIX GAMES FINAL +++ Marnie LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT
FAKE NEWS FOOTBALL
T

THOR

Managed by aconn · Ranked #9 in the Fake News Power Rankings
Record
1–2
Points For
338.0
Points Against
362.3
Streak
L-2

The Manager

Verified human (allegedly)

Adam · Just outside San Francisco (across the Golden Gate) · Kansas City Chiefs fan · With the league forever

A park ranger stationed just across the Golden Gate Bridge from San Francisco. A two-time champion from a few years back and one of the sharpest managers in the league. The team name is a coincidence. Probably.

League titles: 2 (a few years back)

Scouting Report

Compiled by interns

By the numbers: 115.9 points per game (Week 1: 129.4, Week 2: 102.3), a -27.1 trend, season high of 129.4 and a floor of 102.3. The arrow is pointing into the turf.

Sitting at 1-2, THOR are the definition of mid — which in this league means one monster week from total glory or total collapse. There is no in-between. There never is.

Currently on a L-2 skid. The manager has been seen refreshing the waiver wire at 3am. We've all been there. Most of us left.

The difference-makers: Bo Nix, Ashton Jeanty, David Montgomery, Ja'Marr Chase. If two of them hit on the same Sunday, THOR can beat anyone in this league. If none do — well, the game log tells that story.

“We're not rebuilding. We're pre-building. There's a difference. We'll explain later.”

Difference Makers

The names that decide Sundays
QB · DEN
Bo Nix
Week 3 vs LAR: a middle-of-the-pack LAR defense.
QB · GB
Jordan Love
Thursday final: banked ~18.5 pts (28/53 for 312 yards, 2 TDs and 1 INT).
RB · LV
Ashton Jeanty
Week 3 vs NO: a middle-of-the-pack NO defense.
RB · HOU
David Montgomery
Week 3 vs IND: Indianapolis has allowed 404 scrimmage yards to running backs.
WR · CIN
Ja'Marr Chase
Week 3 vs PIT: draws PFF's No. 4-graded corner Jamel Dean, though Pittsburgh rarely plays man coverage.
WR · DAL
George Pickens
Week 3 vs BAL: plays in Rio with a total in the low 50s.

The Roster

16 players, 14 of whom have names we recognize
PosPlayerNFL TeamFake News Grade
QBBo NixDENBoom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
RBAshton JeantyLVA warm body with a helmet.
RBDavid MontgomeryHOUSomeone's fantasy team had to have him.
WRJa'Marr ChaseCINA warm body with a helmet.
WRGeorge PickensDALSomeone's fantasy team had to have him.
WRTetairoa McMillanCARVibes are immaculate. Production is not.
TEIsaiah LikelyNYGSomeone's fantasy team had to have him.
RBKyle MonangaiCHIThe manager's favorite. Nobody knows why.
QBJordan LoveGBCertified bucket-getter.
RBRico DowdlePITA warm body with a helmet.
WRJakobi MeyersJAXSomeone's fantasy team had to have him.
RBWoody MarksHOUSomeone's fantasy team had to have him.
QBCam WardTENOn the roster. Technically.
TEKenyon SadiqNYJA cornerstone. Of something.
KCam LittleJAXOn the roster. Technically.
DEFEaglesPHISomeone's fantasy team had to have him.

Game Log

WeekOpponentResultScoreNarrative
Week 1 Amon-Ra Doggin W 129.4 – 89.9 Handled business. Business has been handled.
Week 2 Iron Jayden L 102.3 – 131.8 A loss. The film has been burned.
Week 3 Trick Play Kristen L 106.3 – 140.6 A loss. The film has been burned.
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